Cardboard Testimony: Doubter ~ Devoted

I want to take a minute to testify about what God has done in my life. Before I continue I need to say a few disclamers: I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ, that he died for my purity so that I can be with God in Heaven. I believe that God is responsible for the events that have happened in my life. I believe that he is seeking you out, putting events and people in your life, to make himself known to you just as he has done for me, and is doing for so many others.

I don't have a link to the u-tube video, but it's awesome! it's called cardboard testimony and it's about the transformation that God has made in the lives of people at Hillside church. I just found out that they are doing it at my church (South West) as well, and I am really really excited! I have done a lot of thinking about mine: Doubter ~ Devoted. Here's the story:

I grew up in the church, and I had a lot of faith. I truly believed in God, I had a deep relationship with the Lord. I was an avid Bible reader. I was very active in my youth group, I did service projects and more. Jesus Christ was my life. I spoke with the Lord every night. The purpose of all of this is not to soundy braggy, it's to really try to convince you that I was truly 'Sold Out'. Anyway, about 5 years ago some major life changes happened in my life. I got married, moved to Houston (very far away from home), left my "dear Christain College" for a very very worldly school, and started working. Some major changes were happening to me, and somehow I was unable to find my faith within all of those changes. I entered a very dark period of doubt. I thought I had been raised in a bubble. I didn't understand how there could be so many people in my new home who were not Christians, weren't even tempted to be Christians. Was I crazy, was God real? Had I been talking to just myself all those years when I thought I was praying?

It was bad. My 'God shaped hole' was empty. I had lost that rich faith that had brought me so much joy, and life, and passion. I was lonely, and alone. And fankly, I wasn't that fun either.

So, I realized that God was real, and I didn't know him anymore. I knew he was real for other people, though. And I began trying to say these prayers, asking God to find me, to reveal himself to me. It was really akward (sp??) trying to talk to someone that I had once loved and then left. There were a lot of I'm sorry's. There was a lot of guilt for me. And I felt pretty worthless to God. Like I hadn't done anything for him for a long time, why would He bother with me now. Eventually my prayers were no longer akward. It was so wonderful to speak to the Lord, as someone I knew and not as a stranger anymore. Gradually, very very gradually and progressively, my life started perking up. I was able to see God more and more in the world around me. Truly it was like my heart had been hardened, but now it was softening. I began giving grace to the people around me, and I began acknowledging that God would give grace to me. It was wonderful! But it was only the beginning. As time went on, I realized there was so so so much more to believing in God than just believing in God. It's a fire. I saw people who had strong faith giving of themselves, and loving it. They live exciting lives anxious to see where God will put them and what the conversations will hold. A total lack of fear in there lives. They felt safe. Not afraid of anyone, not afraid to die, and not afraid to live. Hopefull for tomorrow, Happy for today, understanding that troubles will come and go. I am not yet at that place. But I am at a place where God's presence is a huge, real, and powerful force in my life. I know the more I act on my faith, the more God will use me, and the more I will truly live. But I am kind of shy about acting on my faith at the moment. However, I guess putting my testimony on my blog is an act of faith. And I am so happy to tell anyone who will listen about how God has given me so much love and forgiveness and grace. Not only did he forgive me, he adopted me. I am his daughter, and therefore I will receive his inheritance, I am highly favored by my Father. Again, not trying to sound braggy . . . but I am trying to water some seed that may have been planted in you, that you will search for God, and allow him to reveal himself to you. That you will allow yourself to be forgiven and loved by God. That you will open yourself up to him, and take your knowledge of him with you everywhere you go. That you will become his child, his daughter or son. That you will be privy to his inheritance, that you will be highly favored and dearly loved by your Father.

I would love to talk, share, pray, or encourage, or just try to help you find God's hand in your life. It is the least I can do for him after what he has done for me.