Dear Mr. Elf on the Shelf

Dear Mr. Elf on the Shelf,

Thank you so much for your diligent observance my children's' behavior. Thank you for showing up in funny, and sometimes inappropriate, places and bringing a smile to the faces of many, young and old, this time of year.

But, I have some bad news for you, my friend.

Christmas isn't about how good or bad my kids are. The gifts of Christmas don't depend on what they do, or what they say. Those precious gifts have nothing to do with whether they are right or wrong, good or bad, naughty or nice.

In fact, the worst of children are able to freely receive the gifts of Christmas.

Even the ones that scratch their hiney hole INSIDE of their underwear, and blow their stank morning breath in your face before breakfast, just to see the shudder on your face.

The ones that raise their eyebrows in distain at the mere existence their little brother.

Children who sneak candy after they've brushed their teeth, and then lie about it in the morning.

The ones who scream out mean names to their sister and threaten to never talk to her again because she is "SO STINKING RUDE!"

The ones who have hate in their heart.

The ones who are bitter . . . and angry.

The children who are self-absorbed and unrelenting.

The truth you need to know, you little red minion of Mr. Clause, is this:

Christmas is about the goodness of God, not about the goodness of children. 

 So, I'm sorry to tell you, you are completely unnecessary. In fact, you totally turn Christmas upside down and inside out (kind of like my son's underwear).

If you would like to be useful, please use your time to tell children about the goodness of God, instead of telling Santa about the goodness of children.

Sincerely,


Cassie Haney